To confront or not...

I received the following email from a circularthoughts.com reader yesterday:

My friends and my girlfriend, even my father, all whom I hold very dear to me, take the Lord's name in vain all the time, and it really bothers me.  I don't do it. But I wonder if I'm sinning too by not correcting them. This is such a hard issue for me.  It plagues me. Please help.

This was my reply:

Thanks for your question.  I can understand your concern.  I once had a boss who did the same.  It was like he couldn't say one sentence without doing it.

I have a question for you?  Are your friends, your girlfriend and your father believers in Jesus?  I think whether they are or not determines whether or not you need to confront.

My understanding of Scripture, when it comes to confrontation of sin, is that we are not to confront the non-believer.  To do so, in my experience, does nothing but push them further from the real Jesus.  However, we are encouraged to confront believers in matters of sin.  Of course, we are encouraged to do so in humility and love.

When we look at Jesus, we see this very pattern played out.  He never confronted those who were considered to be sinners.  He spent time with them, had meals with them, even drank with them.  The Pharisees, who were supposedly the "good" people, on the other hand, is who he confronted.  He confronted them on many occasions for not loving those who were considered sinners and for making it hard on them.  I think this is the pattern I would suggest you take with your friends, girlfriend and father.  In other words, if they are not followers of Jesus, then I think you need to not say anything about their language.  Instead, let your light shine and love them to Jesus.  If they are believers, then I think you can have a discussion with them and tell them why this bothers you.  Don't be judgmental in approaching them, just share why it bothers you.  In addition, you need to pray that the Holy Spirit will lead you to the right time and the right words to say.  Make sense?

I hope and trust this helps, at least just a little.  I'm more than willing to talk about this further if you would like.  Thanks again for asking and thanks for reading the blog.

Blessings,

Eric

The reader replied as follows:

When you say let your light shine and love them to Jesus, you mean lead by example and pray for them, rather than confronting them thus pushing them away right?  I want to say thank you so much for your expedient and thoughtful reply.  It really means a lot.  I look forward to future correspondences in matters of faith.  May Christ keep you and walk with you on a righteous path.  

---

Confrontation is a tough call, I think. It does seem to be the default for many Christians, meaning, let's confront first and love second.  I'm just sharing from my own experience, on both sides.  I have both confronted and been confronted when I shouldn't.  So, here are my questions for you?

Where do we draw the line?  Do we confront those who don't claim to be following Jesus?  When do we confront our brothers and sisters?  What horror stories do you have?

Comments

[Rachel]

Hey Eric --

It would also be interesting to hear of success stories from appropriate confrontation. It seems we only hear about "horrible" Christians these days, or the way we misuse the Scriptures...but certainly, my current walk with the Lord is at least partly due to a timely, Spirit-led confrontation of some pretty destructive behaviors. It's too personal to share publicly, but I would just like to encourage your readers to strive for the full Biblical picture, even if that picture includes aspects we are uncomfortable with or that others have gotten wrong.

For isn't Biblical confrontation, honestly, kind of a terrible thing? I mean, for everyone involved? It's not some sort of I'm-right-you're-wrong smackdown. It's pleading with the other to turn around. If your brother is sinning, go to him...how many of us would really be willing to do this, if it were for something that was truly destructive? I would venture to say that most believers would balk at this, or would adopt some sort of passive "humility". Or perhaps we don't really know each other well enough to have a platform into each other's lives.

Bold Love, by Dan Allender has some really good info on this topic, too. It was published in the early 90's, I think.

Anyway. Just my momentary thoughts. I'm procrastinating. I should be sweeping the floors right now. :)